I stepped on the scale this morning. That's always a great way to start your day. Pry your eyes open, brush the hair out of your face, wander to the bathroom to pee, and suddenly decide in your semi-aware state of consciousness that today you are starting that diet. I dug through the cupboard under the sink to unearth the old dial scale that we've had for years. Re-set it to zero, took a deep breath, and stepped on. I was expecting somewhere in the neighborhood of 190; which was not going to make me happy, but I was prepared for it. Needless to say, I regretted my foggy-headed decision to "Make today THE day" when the needle landed directly over 200. Wh--wait, What?! I've gained 10 pounds in a month? So....if I'm being honest here, my next thought was, "oh, whatever, why bother? I'm eating those cookies for breakfast....."
I didn't eat the cookies for breakfast, but only because there was only 1 left and I knew it would bum me out to only eat one. At some point, I do have to face this. At some point, I do have to get committed and do the work it's going to take to lose the weight. I need to lose AT LEAST 50 pounds. That's about as much as my 5-year-old weighs. I can't lift him. Wow. That's depressing. Damn, I left the bag of Valentine's Day Dark Chocolate Hearts up in the kitchen. Going to have to trek my butt all the way up there just to get them.....
I haven't always been fat. I was tiny as a little kid. I weighed 16 pounds when I was a year old. I was fat in middle school and high school. That sucked. I lost a LOT of weight in college, just in time to land myself a husband. Ten years later I'm a stay-at-home Fatty McMommy to 4 kids. And I'm learning something. It's very hard to lose weight when you are home all day with little kids. I eat because I'm bored and lacking adult conversation. I eat because the kids are stressing me out and if I don't eat I may run from the house screaming. I eat because the kids didn't finish what I put on their plates and it's a waste to throw it away. I eat because the two-year-old peed on the potty and we all have to have candy to celebrate. I eat because, because, because. I eat because the food is THERE. Back when I was single, and I was the only one in the house, I only kept small amounts of healthy food in the house. Back then, the weight just fell off. I lost over 80 pounds in 6 months. I had all kinds of free time. I walked to and from classes, to and from work; I walked in the morning and I walked in the evening. There were days I was walking 20 miles a day. Now days, I barely have time to walk to the bathroom and back without a child following after me wanting me to solve his latest crisis.
And yep, it's all excuses. Just one excuse after another. I know it, you know it, we all know it. I'm sitting here, literally within arms reach of the elliptical machine. My older kids are in school, the younger ones are napping. I could be on the elliptical, burning some calories. But I'm not, I'm sitting on my fat butt, blogging about the fact that I'm not on the elliptical. How's that for motivation?
So, that's what this blog is about. It's about me, and my Life as a Fatty McMommy. It's about how I got here, how I'm going to get through each day, and hopefully it'll eventually be about no longer being a Fatty McMommy. But, you should know that I'm not good at promises. I've gotten very good and the Mommy's Non-Promise. You know, when your kids ask you for something that you don't know if you can give them, or you just flat out don't want to go to the effort of, and yet you don't really have the heart to tell them "NO!"; so you utter that Mommy Non-Promise, "We'll see....." just to delay the matter? Well, that's where I am on this little journey right now. I may lose weight, I may not. I may find some motivation, I may not. We'll see.
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